Dating Rule #1

So when I first thought about creating this blog, the original "rants" I had planned or thought up were mostly about dating and/or boys. Yes, it's true. But considering that fact, I am quite impressed with how long it has taken me to post something about dating, so here goes!

Dating Rule #1:

I have been running into this issue a lot lately, so I'd like to clear things up once and for all. Here's the deal: it is impossible, unethical, and downright unkind to try to create a friendship post-break-up. It's sounds all hunky-dory on paper and in a good chick flick, but it never works out. So stop thinking your are the exception to the rule! You will avoid a much bigger mess later if you come to terms with the fact that when you break up with someone, things are never the same. So get over it! Figure out how to deal with the difference and move on! There is really no way to interact in any of the same ways you did before without emotions reattaching and heart-strings being re-pulled. Just say no!

Now does that mean you have free license to be absolutely wretched to the individual? Heavens, no! Decide in advance how you will act if and/or when you will run into them, and be emotionally prepared going into situations where you may run into them. If you are set on reestablishing a working relationship, the best band-aid is a period of distance - physical and emotional. Try not to see them for some period of time. Out of sight, out of mind. It won't work right away, but give it a little time and let it work its magic. This is really difficult when in a small town or when the person you dated is someone you work closely with. Try to make arrangements to avoid them (respectfully), but otherwise do the best with what your situation will allow. But remember. You are not the exception to this rule. Be strong. Just say no.

Subtle Ways to Know You Are Loved

So I'm kind of procrastinating my homework by writing this post, but I had to share the moment I had a few minutes ago as a reminder that I am loved and that people like to be around me! (Which is always a good thing to be reminded of BTW)

This is how you know: You start spending less time in the living room with all your roommates chatting and start spending more time behind the closed door of your bedroom to make yourself be more productive. The funny thing is that the party usually ends up in your bedroom anyways! Your roommates all tend to come in, usually at about the same time, and you end up being just as unproductive as before. Haha. But I definitely feel loved! Haha. I mean, who does homework anyways? What is this? College or something??

Weighing People's Worth on a Scale

In a deep and surprisingly emotional conversation with a dear friend yesterday, I realized a common natural system of weighing a person's value to us (and to society in general) is by a scale system. We often take all of a person's good deeds and place them on one side of the scale. We then take all of their weaknesses and place them on the other end of the scale and we see which side comes out on top. As I realized this is how I had felt my friend had measured me, I realized how fragile our friendship was. If by some slight error in calculation, my weaknesses and frailties would outweigh my goodness. That would then run the risk of negating our history - all the time spent together, all the experiences, all the conversations - no longer valid because I was ruled to be a "bad person" not solely in situation, but in essence. What a fragile relationship is then created by such a measurement of people. Is this love? Is this Christ-like charity? I somehow can't believe it is. Somehow we must find a way to love people including their weaknesses.

A Masterpiece of our Master

This is the worst part of the last week of classes. I will lose the greatest roommate in a week and a half.

Things I have learned from Esther:

• Life is all about "things" and "bottom-lines" but you usually have to go through a lot of things before you get to the bottom line.
• Find your passions in life and go for it.
• You can achieve anything you truly desire.
• Go to bed early Saturday night if you want to be normal on Sundays.
• Waking up to music always makes the experience greater. Especially if it's a musical (major points for the Sound of Music).
• Enjoy the small things in life: overtures, musicals, smiles, losing teeth, flowers in your hair, blogging, all-nighters, birthdays, balloons, water shoes, dances, southern accents, free netflix, family, art, England, chocolate moments in the library, etc. You get the idea. :)
• Stay true to your goals and ambitions in life. 
• Serve a mission :)
• Do the little things for people they don't ask for - make them food, write them notes - show people that you care.
• Work hard, party hard!
• When in doubt, hug it out. 

Here's the bottom line: I love Esther Harsh! 

A Transitional Weekend

Moving on is always good, but it's not ever easy.

Well, at least that's how it is for me. This weekend was a big one. I felt pretty deeply the "moving on" momentum compound in several aspects of my life. Between the orchestra concert, and the Fading Point concert, I realized I will probably never be so involved with music in my life. At the dance I realized all the friends I will be leaving and that will be leaving me. Institute graduation - much more emotional than expected. I almost tripped down the stairs coming off the stand since I couldn't see. And a really great chat with a dear friend. It's as if I am witnessing the last few scenes before my death. Dramatic, I know, but it has felt a small bit like that. I have lived, loved and served here, and I realized this weekend how hard it really will be to let it go. "I will remember you. Will you remember me?"

Moving on is always good, but never easy for me.

A New Outlook on Life

So I'm sitting impatiently in Orchestra rehearsal. I had arrived late due more to negligence than a good cause. I only have a few notes and parts in the piece we are rehearsing and I wait bored and impatient as the student conductor adjusts a part in another section. My head now resting on my arm and my tuba, I surrender to the exhaustion and feelings of incompetence that have shadowed my existence as of late. Tick. Tick. Tick. The sound of my ticking watch brings back memories of years and watches gone by. My thoughts turn to the blessing of each moment and each day I am granted on this earth. The gift of life is enough for endless gratitude and praise, but to realize the opportunities given through each moment leaves me eternally indebted. No longer is the waiting a burden, but a blessing from on high - an opportunity for growth and progression - a lovely memory that will live on in my mind for years and years to come. How tender the mercies of God found in each day! Each moment!

True Service Gives Without a Price

If I were a poet, this would be a line in one of my poems tonight.

Today I returned home from a long day and found a lone red tulip placed on my bed. The tip was wrapped in plastic wrap and had a cute golden ribbon tied and curled. Random, right? The secret is, I LOVE flowers. I lived every girl's dream and worked in a flower shop for two summers and I have great appreciation for these delicate creations. How could they know? Who is "they" anyways? The point is, they did a great service which they didn't have to do and did with no thought or expectation of reward or gratitude. True service seeks no reward or praise.

Tonight after performing in a concert, I found that all of the members of our group had conveniently disappeared leaving myself and one other member to clean up and move out the sound equipment including large, bulky, and overweight speakers and sub-woofers. Fun. As I wrapped up cords I contemplated the decision I had before me. "I probably have the most stuff to do tonight out of all of these people. I don't deserve to be here. I probably help the most with set up and take down." Trying to ebb frustration and bitterness, I finished helping put things away. As I left, the other member graciously thanked me for helping put things away. Ouch. That was a little humbling. The power of gratitude!

On my walk home I enjoyed a serene moment gazing at the stars. What an incredible display of eternal perspective. Somehow the stars always put me back on track. How dare I claim to be a serving person if I hold my service against others. Service seeks no praise or retribution. Service seeks not but to love. Who am I to feel like I deserve something for my service especially when considering how much debt I am in to the Savior who performed a service I could literally not do for myself. He made Eternal Life and Immortality a possibility! And I moan because I had to move a few speakers and wind a few cords.

May I be more transparent in my service for the light of love and the light of the Savior to shine through me. May I remember the tulips He gives.