Diversity Awareness: Helpful or Hurtful?

What I'm about to tell you is very important. Are you ready?

Don't think about elephants.

So what did you think about? My guess is that you thought about elephants. And you are probably still thinking about them :) We will think about them again later. Don't forget.

So when reflecting on this idea of racial diversity and awareness, I would venture that we would all agree on the principle and intentions behind it. The idea is to create a society that lacks racial bias; a society that removes racial stigma. I think we also all support and agree with the value of this motivation. Is it possible that in our efforts to remove racial stigmas that we have gone too far? Are we looking beyond the mark?

Here's the issue: racial bias and stigma is created by racial boundaries - the separation of races and exclusive social circles based around racial premises. So how do we break down these barriers? I would suggest that by making ourselves more aware of them and drawing attention to them in excess, we have perpetuated the problem rather than subdued it. If I tell you not to think about an elephant, what do you think of? If I tell you not to think about races, what will you think of? Do you see the parallel? I am not suggesting that principles of self-reflection on ourselves or our society is bad, but there is a gentle balance that must be maintained in order to continue forward progression and improvement. I do suggest, however, that in an effort to create a society more accepting and tolerant of different cultures and races, we have perpetuated differentiation and therefore passive hostility between races.

Another thought (stay with me :) ). A current professor of mine specializes in adolescent development  - particularly in research relating to identity formation in general including racial identity formation in particular. The idea of supporting youth in creating their identity based on racial premises seems counterproductive to this society free from racial bias we are trying to promote. It also seems to be less than productive for the adolescent as well. Without some guidance on how to process the culture they are (by society's push towards racial pride) to endorse, they have little personal choice as to the kind of culture they want to adopt in their own lives. Let me explain what I mean. If you support black pride in a youth who is black, they are expected to accept (by default) every part of that culture and defend it in their own lives. Problem: there is a part of every culture - black, white, red, brown, yellow, blue, purple, whatever! - that could not and should not be perpetuated. But without giving them the tools of knowledge, they are left on their own. We know through ridiculous amounts of research the results of poor family life, poor education, poor monetary situations, but in the name of being politically correct, we impose racial pride on them without helping them realize they can choose to be who they want to be. Help them find their own identity? We are dictating their identity!

There are beautiful things about each culture too. Can we not try to take the best from each? Must we be victims of the hand we are dealt? I would suggest that we are not. We can become what and who we want to become - regardless of what we look like or where we come from. Can't we switch our focus more towards the future rather than fixating ourselves on the past?

Just a thought.

Adolescent Development

Can I tell you how excited I am for the coming school year?? I'M SO EXCITED! I am excited to learn theories and ideas from great minds. I'm really excited to shoot them down! Mua ha ha! Just kidding. But really, I am excited for all the great things I will learn and most likely share in this venue.

In my coming Adolescent Learning and Development class we have a graduate version of the good ole book report project to do. As I was reading through the list of possible books and their summaries, I realized a major principle of adolescent development. This principle is soooo obvious to the rest of the world: adolescence is the time of developing identity. DUH! Right? From an educational psychologist perspective, that's rocket science. But the real fun comes into play when thinking about what true identity is and what influences our identity. One major component in my opinion in gender. Another resounding DUH, right? But I must point out that the world we live in (at least part of it) is trying to move toward a world without gender (They obviously didn't do their Biology homework). News flash - gender is part of our identity. To take away gender or to dilute, convolute, or pollute the associated development wreaks havoc on adolescence. English translation: adolescent development + messed up ideas on gender = BAD IDEA. Messed up growing plant = messed up grown plant. Ta da! Scary rocket science.

So here's the bottom line. Identity is what it's going to be about this semester in this class. Identity is what it's all about in adolescence, and those who can teach and inspire youth (and adults for that matter) to find true individual identity -- not in conjunction or retaliation to trends or fads of society -- have a gift to share.

A Time Capsule

Yesterday I opened a time capsule I had created of my life in April 1999. Wow. I was 9 1/2 years old. My family was just about to make the first of a long consecutive train of moves. My oldest brother was about to get married. Included in the canned time capsule was my first beany baby, a lanyard (I think I collected them at the time), a beaded candy cane I had made, a plastic bead necklace (probably a gift from someone), a picture of my and one of my teachers (I think she was a music teacher, but I honestly don't remember), a "tooth fairy box" complete with a tooth I had recently lost, a favorite book (which I didn't really remember), a picture of my oldest brother on his mission, a letter from him that he wrote while on his mission, a letter from my cousin, Whitney Dewey, the printed program of my baptism, a bookmark given to me from my sister (I collected bookmarks at the time as well), but the neatest thing I opened was a letter from my Mom. She gave a great snapshot of what was going on in our family at the time and proceeded to include a small list of character traits she and my Dad appreciated in me (even at such a young age) and a hope for my future of what I would be like when I opened the time capsule. It was such a touching letter. What an incredible experience to look over the last 12 years of my life -- from 4th grade to college graduate -- and to be able to see what I have become. I am happy to say I look over those years with pride and contentment. I have no real regrets. I still have much ground to cover in the next 12, 20, even 50 years of my life in developing my personality and character into what I want it to be, but the last 12 years have been fruitful and full of good experiences, friendships, and memories. May the next 12 be as wonderful and fulfilling.

PS. I had the thought of how great it would be to make a time capsule shortly after being married to open on the 10th wedding anniversary. I can't help but think of how healthy it is to sometimes review snapshots of the past in detail. We can gain greater insight into our present and future, and we can remember principles we want to continue to live by.

Dating Rule #1

So when I first thought about creating this blog, the original "rants" I had planned or thought up were mostly about dating and/or boys. Yes, it's true. But considering that fact, I am quite impressed with how long it has taken me to post something about dating, so here goes!

Dating Rule #1:

I have been running into this issue a lot lately, so I'd like to clear things up once and for all. Here's the deal: it is impossible, unethical, and downright unkind to try to create a friendship post-break-up. It's sounds all hunky-dory on paper and in a good chick flick, but it never works out. So stop thinking your are the exception to the rule! You will avoid a much bigger mess later if you come to terms with the fact that when you break up with someone, things are never the same. So get over it! Figure out how to deal with the difference and move on! There is really no way to interact in any of the same ways you did before without emotions reattaching and heart-strings being re-pulled. Just say no!

Now does that mean you have free license to be absolutely wretched to the individual? Heavens, no! Decide in advance how you will act if and/or when you will run into them, and be emotionally prepared going into situations where you may run into them. If you are set on reestablishing a working relationship, the best band-aid is a period of distance - physical and emotional. Try not to see them for some period of time. Out of sight, out of mind. It won't work right away, but give it a little time and let it work its magic. This is really difficult when in a small town or when the person you dated is someone you work closely with. Try to make arrangements to avoid them (respectfully), but otherwise do the best with what your situation will allow. But remember. You are not the exception to this rule. Be strong. Just say no.

Subtle Ways to Know You Are Loved

So I'm kind of procrastinating my homework by writing this post, but I had to share the moment I had a few minutes ago as a reminder that I am loved and that people like to be around me! (Which is always a good thing to be reminded of BTW)

This is how you know: You start spending less time in the living room with all your roommates chatting and start spending more time behind the closed door of your bedroom to make yourself be more productive. The funny thing is that the party usually ends up in your bedroom anyways! Your roommates all tend to come in, usually at about the same time, and you end up being just as unproductive as before. Haha. But I definitely feel loved! Haha. I mean, who does homework anyways? What is this? College or something??

Weighing People's Worth on a Scale

In a deep and surprisingly emotional conversation with a dear friend yesterday, I realized a common natural system of weighing a person's value to us (and to society in general) is by a scale system. We often take all of a person's good deeds and place them on one side of the scale. We then take all of their weaknesses and place them on the other end of the scale and we see which side comes out on top. As I realized this is how I had felt my friend had measured me, I realized how fragile our friendship was. If by some slight error in calculation, my weaknesses and frailties would outweigh my goodness. That would then run the risk of negating our history - all the time spent together, all the experiences, all the conversations - no longer valid because I was ruled to be a "bad person" not solely in situation, but in essence. What a fragile relationship is then created by such a measurement of people. Is this love? Is this Christ-like charity? I somehow can't believe it is. Somehow we must find a way to love people including their weaknesses.

A Masterpiece of our Master

This is the worst part of the last week of classes. I will lose the greatest roommate in a week and a half.

Things I have learned from Esther:

• Life is all about "things" and "bottom-lines" but you usually have to go through a lot of things before you get to the bottom line.
• Find your passions in life and go for it.
• You can achieve anything you truly desire.
• Go to bed early Saturday night if you want to be normal on Sundays.
• Waking up to music always makes the experience greater. Especially if it's a musical (major points for the Sound of Music).
• Enjoy the small things in life: overtures, musicals, smiles, losing teeth, flowers in your hair, blogging, all-nighters, birthdays, balloons, water shoes, dances, southern accents, free netflix, family, art, England, chocolate moments in the library, etc. You get the idea. :)
• Stay true to your goals and ambitions in life. 
• Serve a mission :)
• Do the little things for people they don't ask for - make them food, write them notes - show people that you care.
• Work hard, party hard!
• When in doubt, hug it out. 

Here's the bottom line: I love Esther Harsh!